It's a beautiful day / Don't let it get away

2012-03-11T21:48:00.001-04:00

...I'm kind of drunk right now and just stumbled across this blog.
And then I logged in.
And here I am.

...
...
...
This post has no purpose at all.
Gin is good.
Bye, kids.

Give me a break.

2010-05-31T17:10:00.001-04:00

It seems like every conversation I have, or I overhear people having lately, centers around complaining. Something ALWAYS has to be wrong, someone ALWAYS has to be screwing something up, NOTHING is ever perfect.
I am so damn sick of it.
I have always been an optimist. So many people (one person in particular, who I am growing to resent more each day) see me as naive and stuck in the world I had been in 10 years ago. But when the passing supposedly "terrible" event passes and the world isn't going to end anymore, people come around to see things my way -- until the next terrible thing comes along.
I don't have much to say that is actually constructive. I just hate that every conversation I have anymore seems to center on something negative. I've always been an open door for my friends to come to me with problems. Don't get me wrong, I am always happy to help people through the things life throws at them. But lately, it seems like those are the only times I talk to people. I would love to have a text message conversation with someone that didn't start with a rant or eventually build to one.
I think I'm going to try to get some poetry out tonight. I need some way to constructively get these thoughts out.

Long post. My theatre past is here.

2010-05-18T22:44:00.002-04:00

(This post only halfway backed by tonight's episode of Glee).

Most of the people who are currently in my life (read: more than just acquaintances) have no idea who I was five years ago. I was voted most likely to be in five musicals at once in my senior yearbook, because the fall of senior year, I WAS. From sixth grade through twelfth grade, I was in at least one show at a time (usually more), with breaks for part of summer and over Christmas. I was in a few shows after high school, but nowhere near as many, but I still have over 30 shows under my belt. I had the lead role of a show written specifically for me. I was in a production of Jesus Christ Superstar that still gives me chills when I think about what we did with the crucifixion scene (precursor to my Theology major?). I was THE go-to person in any cast, even at age 14, for questions about backstage happenings, Broadway news, everything. I lived for theatre.

And then, my life changed.

I can't quite pinpoint what really turned me off from performing, or if there ever even WAS a point where I decided that I wasn't going to find time to be in shows anymore. I know that the main theatre I was involved with is dying -- all of the former directors and choreographers and production teams have moved on with their lives -- but there are moments where the only thing I want to do is find myself lost in an explosion of music. I can't quite explain it, but I think that anyone who has been truly involved in theatre gets what I'm going to try to describe.

Aside from the Christmas play that was written for me, I never played the leading lady. Sure, I hammed up my turn as Zaneeta Shinn in The Music Man (which remains the most fun I have ever had onstage), and I've held small supporting roles, but the majority of my time onstage has been spent in choruses and named-but-not-crucial roles. One of the few words of wisdom that have stuck with me from my first director was to always give your chorus part their own character. He didn't know what to do with so many people in that first show's chorus, so he told us to develop our characters for ourselves. While most people rolled their eyes and grumbled about not getting solos, I went to work on giving background and reason to my little roles in that show, and that is something I have kept up since. The finest example I can think of with that was singing the song Oklahoma. There were 50 or so people onstage belting and a full orchestra, and I couldn't hear myself think, much less sing my Soprano 2 harmony, but I felt so, SO needed.

Tonight's episode of Glee reminded me of that feeling. I won't post the specifics because I don't want to spoil it for anyone who hasn't seen it yet, but what happened with Idina and Lea Michele was nothing short of incredible. The magic of theatre has been re-ignited for me a few times in the past few years, and tonight was a time I was not expecting.

It's nice being reminded of where I came from.

To the people who have come into my life in the past five years... I love talking about my theatre past. It's a bizarre world that seems fake to me now, and I would love to settle down and write a memoir about it someday. Ask me questions. I want to get things out. :)

My grand return.

2010-05-10T00:25:00.002-04:00

No. I am NOT failing at blogging. Nope.

It's summer now. It's also my last "real" summer. I'll be graduating in December. My final semester of college will be three classes, all on Tuesday and Thursday afternoons (and my thesis, whenever Glover gets that figured out?), so it won't feel like I'm really a "student." I'm hoping that mentality spreads to other people in my life. I have a lot of connections in Erie's Theology world, and I think that graduating in December could give me a bit of a jump on things -- not like there's really any competition in this field? Haha.

It was slightly bizarre reading all of the "I'M GRADUATING!" posts from the people who have been my classmates for the past four years. I'd be more upset about the whole deal if I was worried about people keeping in touch, but the people that I really care about live relatively close to me, and I have no doubt in my mind that we will not just let our friendships end. I'm looking forward to my fall semester, honestly. I'll have much more time to devote to writing for the Knight, and it will be nice to just have to worry about three classes.

In random thought process news...
-I've heard talk that this will be the last season of The Office. While I'm bummed, the writers TOTALLY jumped the shark in their giving Jim and Pam their happy ending. I love Jim and Pam, don't get me wrong... but this is just too much. And I'm really not feeling Pam's new attitude. This is a show that will live on in DVD, just like Friends. :)
-I need a second job. Help.
-My allergies have been absolute hell this weekend -- the combination of allergy season itself, plus heat having to be on lately has been brutal.
-Selah gave a concert at a local venue called the Faith Cafe last night. It was nothing short of incredible. It reminded me why I joined Selah in the first place.
-If you're the praying sort... a woman who has always been very important to me was recently diagnosed with breast cancer. Prayers, please.
-I have missed blogging. :) Thanks, Dani!

Poetry time...

2010-04-13T16:48:00.001-04:00

I wrote another poem that I am pretty proud of. I don't normally write about things like this, but this all needed to be said. :)

Christmas Day, 1996

We rush Christmas present opening
and breakfast of cinnamon rolls.
I gather my Game Boy Advance,
Mario Kart, batteries and a blanket
(you drive without your coat on,
and while I want to be just like you,
I get cold far more easily).

I-79 is ours.
No one else in the greater Erie area
dares leave their families
at 7 a.m., Christmas morning.
We have the road, white cheddar popcorn,
and a soundtrack of laughter,
classic rock (mom wouldn't approve)
and Yoshi yelping as he redshells Bowser.

In four hours, we will be with your side,
with my once-a-year grandma, aunt and cousin.

In those four hours, I watch you transform
into who you truly are, and who eight-year-old me
aspires to be – vast music and car knowledge,
sarcastic and loud and easy-going.
We laugh as we pass the silly landmarks
that I gave names to last year on this same trip;
peek-a-boo bridge that hides behind mountains
remains my favorite, 14 years later.

The hills of West Virginia roll closer, along with them,
the Polish feast and cookies from the Old World,
and the family that I know at my young age
appreciate me for me more than my mother's side.
While presents and Christmas traditions await,
it is this time in the car that I cherish.
We can exchange a smile when Dire Straits' “Walk of Life”
comes on in the middle of the year,
and if my mother asks why, we'll explain
that it's a father-daughter thing.

I am hopeless. The end.

2010-04-10T22:14:00.002-04:00

Oh, boy...

:) ...maybe?

...I sure as hell hope so. I'm sick of being screwed over, and I am really sick of wearing the proverbial pants in the relationship.

I just want to know if there's a point to my feeling this way. If I shouldn't be, I don't want to be. If I should, I want it to be justified.

Sigh.

I'm hopeless.

Reality check, people.

2010-04-03T10:58:00.000-04:00

I hate the way it seems that people always have to find something to complain about.
Living in Erie, I'm more surrounded by that complex than many people -- when it's cold, everyone wants warm weather, and when it's warm out, everyone longs for the cold.
What the hell happened to living for the moment? For embracing what is actually going on in the here and now? To finding something good to look at in a situation, even in a situation that is not ideal, and focusing on that to carry you through until something else rolls around for you to complain about?
Call me naive or a cock-eyed optimist... but at least try to see where I am coming from. I have got PLENTY wrong in my life. I am stuck in this situation that I should have been able to move out of three years ago, and now cannot do anything about it. You don't see me complaining about that.
It's Easter weekend. We are in the midst of celebrating and remembering the very basis of our faith. Finding the good in where you are should not be so hard to ask.

I'm not a girl... not yet a woman...

2010-03-29T23:23:00.002-04:00

I've been in an interesting place in my mind lately. I've always been one of those Holden Caulfield-types, over-analyzing and giving entirely too much thought to the simple things in this world, but lately, it's been more than that. I'm nearing a HUGE crossroads in my life, and I have absolutely no idea what directions are even open to me, much less, which one I would want to go in. And yet, at the same time, I've been having plenty of those little moments that remind me that life is good. I'm also torn between feeling like I'm still being talked down to by most of the authority figures in my life, and at the same time, feeling thrust more and more into the real world. And, of course, I'm always feeling stuck since I still have yet to get a second job, car, the ability to move out...

I don't so much have anywhere in mind where I was planning on going with that train of thought, but that's the point of a blog, isn't it?

Political apathy.

2010-03-21T22:11:00.002-04:00

I keep posting entries out here, and I'm really not sure if anyone reads them. I'm okay with that, honestly.
I just have to say... I do not give a damn about the health care bill. I have never cared about politics (I'm not registered to vote); the way I see it, no one is EVER going to be able to make EVERYONE happy. Why should I waste my time getting bent out of shape? I have made SO many people around me angry because of my political apathy, but I frankly could not care less. Hell, the fact that most of my personal views are rather conservative pisses off enough people...
This rant comes mainly because that class that ordinarily is my favorite class this semester has taken SUCH a political turn as of late. It bums me out. I don't want to waste my money on "lectures" that turn into political debates that I couldn't care less about.

In non-ranting news, I am so emotionally attached to Kendra.

Harry Potter Weekend.

2010-03-21T14:25:00.002-04:00

I know that the entire world knows that I am a huge Harry Potter geek... but I just have to say... every time I watch the movies or read the books or listen to the soundtracks, I find something new. It just amazes me. I fall in love with the movies every time the ABC Family Harry Potter Weekend rolls around, and this has been no exception -- tonight should be ridiculous (HAHA. Boggarts are currently happening!) since it'll be my first time seeing Order of the Phoenix since it came out. I can't help how wrapped up in it all I still become, but honestly, I never want this feeling to go away. It's so exciting and so comforting every time I watch. Especially Prisoner of Azkaban. That was the first movie I saw NEW after I had become a fan. I had read up through Order of the Phoenix at the time (that was the most recent book out), and the night before we went to an early showing, Miller and I watched Sorcerer's Stone and Chamber of Secrets. I was instantly hooked. There is just something different about this movie -- it might be the fact that it was directed by a Spanish porn director -- that makes it impossible for me to resist. Of course, I love the story of the Marauders more than any other storyline (except maybe Snape's redemption), so I suppose that bonus helps things :)

In other news, Olive Garden has DELICIOUS limoncello.

I feel better. Thank God.

2010-03-16T17:19:00.002-04:00

I'm feeling much better than I did the last time I posted. I don't know what happened to me Saturday and last week. Sunday night helped fix my brain. I might be flat broke right now, and I may not be precisely where I want to be... but at least I am happy. It's a weird feeling, and I know that I can't go on in this odd happiness for TOO long... but for now? I'm good. :)
There's a boy that I think might like me, and I feel VERY pre-teen about it all. If he does, I am THRILLED. If not? He's a good friend. And I'm okay with that. :) He's adorable.

That's about all for now. I have to get out quite the paper tonight, based on information that I KNOW is not out there. Wish me luck?

PS. Do I have any readers?

So, so unhappy this morning.

2010-03-13T07:49:00.003-05:00

Maybe my funk just comes every Saturday now. I've always hated Saturdays, since I was a little kid, and I could never quite explain why (and I think I've always been able to put on a pretty decent act for other people). Saturdays just hold a negative connotation for me... And apparently, that has continued in a major way, in a way that I have somehow managed to push to the back of my mind until recently.
I am not happy.
I'm also apparently a GREAT actress (take that, whoever it was who posted that on my Honesty Box on Facebook years ago), because so many people see me as who I try to be -- the bubbly, happy to do whatever, always grinning girl I was molded to be. When I try to show people that I am not content with where I am in this world, they trivialize my problems and see me as SO much younger than I am. Just because I'm 22 and live at home does not lessen my value as an adult, ready to contribute. Just because what my father did took away my ability to have a car of my own and move out and all those things does not mean that you can still treat me like I am the 19 year old I was before he killed any hopes of my having a normal young adulthood. I was JUST getting to the point where I could have gotten a second job, I could have started doing things on my own... and my father took all of my liberties away. I have no idea how I managed to live without any of the so-called "perks" of being a young adult for so long, but I am DONE putting on my happy face.
I hate that this feeling has also carried into what I am studying and what I thought I wanted to do with my life. I thought I was done with that unrest two years ago. I thought turning to God was going to be the answer to all my questions -- and that if I still had questions, I would be content to let go and let God. That isn't working right now. I've been stuck on these questions since I got back from New York, and I don't see them stopping any time soon, simply because I can't get a job without a car, I can't get a car without a job, I can't move out without either. I'm so, so stuck, and I hate this feeling more than anything I have ever experienced.

But, since I HAVE to keep on grinning and bearing it, I'm off to my once-a-week job today. I have what amount of a job I was able to get for myself, and I have a boss who is so understanding beyond what she should be... why can't that be good enough?

Appropriately untitled.

2010-03-06T22:01:00.002-05:00

I haven't updated here in a while. Whoops.
I don't have much to say tonight, and I am extraordinarily tired, but I needed to get this out somewhere.
I got back from a three-day trip to New York City early this morning, and I have never been so disheartened to return to Erie. Everything about it just strikes me as so stuck. It's the only way I can describe it.
I need a change.
The last thing I want is to go back to school on Monday. It hit me on the train at some point last night that on Monday, I will be returning once again to the lectures that do not apply to what I want out of my life -- though I am not sure what that even is anymore. I'm also so sick of dealing with petty people and their "problems" that are actually nothing.
Yeah.
Awkward state of mind.

A poem out of my usual poetry box...

2010-01-25T22:02:00.000-05:00

Another poem for the writing workshop, this one for a prompt from my amazing teacher...

Describe a landscape as seen by an old woman whose disgusting and detestable old husband has just died. Do not mention the husband or death.

A sparrow,
brown wings tinged grey
and meekly dignified,
sends leaves rippling
through the crisp
October orange.

Her home,
the leaf mountain,
so haphazardly crafted
out of the chaos
nature and life
have left behind.

A crow,
gaudy and ominous
announces its arrival.
Just as swiftly,
he returns to flight,
not knowing the weight
of the mouse he steals.

This mouse,
nimble and witty,
took food, leaves,
the very spirit
from the sparrow -
yet they lived in
dissonant harmony.

The woman,
brown hair tinged grey
and meekly dignified,
opens Venetian blinds
to finally let in
the crisp October orange.

Well, this just goes everywhere.

2010-01-24T19:34:00.000-05:00

I do NOT already lose on the whole blog thing. That was just a flukey week for updating. Yup.

I'm actually quite content at the moment. This morning, I was in one of those moods where I felt like I needed something more (why is it that I always feel the need to take on even MORE in my already-packed life?), and I definitely got it today. I'll be helping a friend with his team for the upcoming parish census. I'm not entirely sure what all will be included in that, but it should be interesting - not to mention, it'll be another thing to add to resumes! And, as I discovered last semester, I REALLY like journalistic writing, a lot more than I was expecting. Long semester of mill levies short, I'll be writing my first story for the Knight this week; wish me luck on that endeavor!
It's funny that for as often as I complain about being busy, I really love it more than anything. Sure, I get run down, and as I am writing this, my eyes are trying to close, but I just need that constant pressure of something going on... I just wish school work wasn't included in all that!

This weekend was one that I definitely needed. My brain's been hitting one of its points of unrest lately, and I haven't quite been able to explain or fix things, but I think this weekend helped things along the way. I don't know what it is about the frighteningly long movie nights that have become a staple in my life, but they always seem to come along at the right time. I could have used a few more hours of sleep Saturday morning (going to bed at 4 a.m. just does NOT bode well in my world!), but I'll get by. And, who knew that spending a few hours in a laundromat would help soothe my brain? :) I love the people in my life.

Last night, I saw the winter play at Mercyhurst Prep, The Curious Savage. I love going into a show not knowing ANYTHING about it... it reminds me more of the magic of theatre that SO gets lost when you've been a part of the sometimes ugly behind-the-scenes happenings for so long. The play had a decent script, it was acted pretty well (I love knowing pretty much an entire cast), but it was the ending that really got me. The whole story was about a low-security psych hospital of sorts, but all of the patients really only had one major character flaw or issue - they weren't truly crazy. A new patient brought all of her family and monetary drama in with her, and by the end of the show, they wanted the audience to realize that her family was really the crazy party there. Pretty predictable all-around, but it was the moment just after the final blackout that made me go "Hmm!" and "Awe!" They showed the characters as they should be without their flaws - the woman who was treating a Raggedy Andy doll as her son had a child sitting with her, the abandoned, presumably ADD girl with low self-esteem was in a pretty dress and smiling contentedly, etc. It was a little moment of theatre magic that I definitely needed. :)

In random news, my toes have been freakishly warm for the past few days. They always become warm and hyper-sensitive when I drink, but I haven't since Friday (and that was only one glass of wine).

I make a vow, right here and now... I'm gonna spend my time this way :)

2010-01-18T19:27:00.003-05:00

Today was the first day in a long time for me that just felt right.

OLP's first Confirmation retreat for the year, and our first retreat with our new pastor was today. I went into it the same way I go into everything for the Confirmation program - with no expectations, just mental preparation, prayers, and some semblance of an open mind. I cannot quite wrap my head around what happened for me today, but I do know for sure that I was affirmed that this is what I want to do for the rest of my life. I feel a little greedy that I know that I got so much out of this retreat (as I feel I always do when I'm in any sort of teaching environment), but I know deep down that I am justified in that, since whatever I give, God returns tenfold.
Today also made me really feel like our new pastor gets me. I've been pretty steadily on board with him since day one (which has not really been the popular mentality), but today was the first time where I really felt that he was on board with ME. Kelly and I run our group rather untraditionally - we do not follow the book at all (neither of us actually even have a copy in our possession); we're very discussion-based, and will talk about anything with our kids. Today was no exception. We had the girls from our group, along with some of the guys from another group. By the end of the day, all of the guys were demanding to be switched into our group for the rest of the year, and on their way out, they all told the pastor that. He doesn't know how much it meant to me for him to tell us how much those guys liked our class. There are so many times in class where I feel like I'm just TALKING, with nothing from the other side. After hearing that, I feel like I am doing something right.

That's always been one of my main sources of insecurity with myself. I can find myself living in the moment with absolutely no problem, but when it comes to thinking about how that moment will affect my future? I become terrified. I mean... I'm 22 and I am going to have a degree in Theology this December? Whaaat is THAT? But then there are those moments that make things so clear... Funny that those moments are precisely what we discussed in our group today. I can't quite put it to words, but I just know that I am meant to do this.

:)

First poem of the semester...

2010-01-16T19:56:00.002-05:00

It has been almost two years since I have seriously written anything creatively (...I swear, that statement doesn't cancel itself out). I've found myself in Berwyn's Writing Workshop once again, though, and she put me in the first round of students to be workshopped since I have done this before. I panicked a little when I saw my name there, but I did manage to get out a poem that I'm pretty happy with - thanks to the old standard, As Time Goes By (Miller, I wonder if there was any Saturday night BritCom influence here?). This is just the FIRST draft, but here you go:
(For your reference - I wrote what is NOT italicized)

This day and age we're living in
Gives cause for apprehension
With speed and new invention
And things like fourth dimension

Funny, the way time changes things
past the point of recognition,
to where you aren't sure
if you have been here before;
if a person you once knew
is even the same person,
or has been twisted
along with the turning of time...

Yet we get a trifle weary  
With Mr. Einstein's theory
So we must get down to earth at times  
Relax, relieve the tension

So you seek out that escape,
that photo, song, memory -
whatever it takes to bring you back.
And while you know you shouldn't
(dwelling never does one good, they say),
you can't help but wonder
what became of the person you knew...

And no matter what the progress  
Or what may yet be proved  
The simple facts of life are such  
They cannot be removed

But then, with a wave of new
that is so unsettlingly familiar,
life moves on in its own way.
The stranger smiles, the conversation sparks,
and you find yourself starting new,
down the path you already know,
still eager to learn and experience
the fundamentals of life.

You must remember this  
A kiss is just a kiss, a sigh is just a sigh
The fundamental things apply  
As time goes by...

What a dream...

2010-01-14T09:05:00.002-05:00

My dreams generally follow the same sort of loose construct. They almost always involve a place that I at least know in real life, but that is tweaked in some ways for my dreams - but they remain the same throughout my dream world. My aunt's house, for example, when I'm dreaming, is always the same, though it is VERY different from how it is in real life. I'm talking, enough continuity to let me "know" my way around it, even though I've only been there in my subconscious. It's not just houses, though. Gannon in my dreams is the coolest place in the world. Erie has a completely different set-up, too; I've marched in parades down a new State St., explored new restaurants in the city, and gone to a whole new upper Peach St. that is just INCREDIBLE. They also almost always involve a HUGE, usually random, conglomeration of people from all areas of my life, at least filling in the minor roles. I've also been able to moderately get to the point of lucid dreaming; instead of just letting things happen, I am almost always able to have some sort of control over things.
And then there are MY nightmares. They're not your usual someone-trying-to-kill-me, falling-to-death sort of nightmares (and I usually would much prefer those). Normally, my nightmares involve people treating me entirely too unfairly, whether it be in word or action, and my losing the ability to retaliate. More than once, I've been verbally attacked by people I am close to in real life, and cannot be heard whenever I try to say anything in my defense. Normally, that results in dream-me screaming and crying and not being heard, and eventually, someone else will rescue me in some way.
Last night was one of those dreams. I'm absolutely exhausted this morning from it. The dream was LONG - I was lucidly able to check the time and things, and I know dream me had been at it for QUITE some time when I knew it had hit 4:00 a.m. The dream followed the course of a lot of my other nightmarish dreams, but it was on a much bigger scale than most (and I now have a blog to share it on). I was reamed out by my best friend, my parents, a waitress that I didn't know, the cast of a show, and a group of acquaintances from school. When I thought I couldn't take much more, Brian shows up in his white Bonneville, parks it IN a snowbank, buys me lunch (even though dream me knew it was well after 4 in the morning?), and got me a hotel room to stay in since I had had a miserable time at home, too. I kept half-waking up at that point, so I don't remember much else after that point, but I do know that I am mentally exhausted, and my eyes feel like I was definitely actually crying.
I'm hoping for a sunshine and rainbow filled dream tonight.
Am I the only one who dreams like that? I know that stereotypically, you don't hear things about dreams like that, but Lord knows this world is anything but stereotypical.
I'm curious about that.... Comment, readers!
(And I'm curious if I have more readers than Miller and Ashley... Lurkers?)

Back to school, back to school...

2010-01-11T18:18:00.003-05:00

I love when an unexpected conversation says so much, helps put my brain at ease, and makes me remember I'm not the only one dealing with things in my life. Sure, what was talked about isn't pretty (at ALL), and the issues are probably not going to go away for a while... but I know that I feel slightly better about everything, and I really hope it helped on the other end of things, too. :)

Cryptic contentedness aside... the spring semester started today. Just one more semester for me after this one. It's a little weird, knowing that pretty much everyone I arrived at Gannon with, three and a half years ago, will be preparing for graduation and leaving come the beginning of May, and I'll still be coming back for the fall. I'm not going to let myself dwell on that, though, and honestly, I don't think I'll have TIME to. I haven't taken a literature class since sophomore year, and now, I'm taking three. Prose Lit, American Lit 1865-1914, and Drama. I already love my teacher for Prose, and I think the class will be interesting if nothing else. Unfortunately, the two assigned novels for the class are the two books that have given me the most trouble before. I absolutely love the story of Pride & Prejudice, and I've always had a fairly high reading level... but for some reason, I have never been able to get through that book. Jane Austen is a BRILLIANT writer, and did amazing things... but those wordy sentences and all the names absolutely killed me when I tried reading it for a class two years ago. And then, there's Catcher in the Rye. I read it in high school, and absolutely HATED everything about it. I found the narrator to be whiny and a brat, and for all of the "coming of age" that he was supposedly going through, I found him immature and never developed. I tried picking it up again last summer, got about 10 pages in, and gave up. Hopefully I won't be the same way this time? American Lit is definitely the class that I'm most interested in this semester, but I have the teacher I had for Latin AND World Religions last year. That's right. I had a class with this man every single DAY for an entire year. I thought I was done with him, but I just may be a glutton for punishment. At least I know his teaching style? Drama will be an okay class, I think. I just hope that things aren't dumbed down too much. I get weird like that about theatre and things I know well... And I already know that I got VERY annoyed when musicals and plays were lumped into the same category. ...I sound like a snob.

So, yes. Another semester has begun. I have Hebrew Bible 2 tomorrow (this semester's focus is on the prophets, the section of the Bible I'm least familiar with), and the Writing Workshop with Berwyn. I have missed her SO much, and it will be nice to write again.

Off to yet another meeting at church, then I am going to read at the gym. 12 chapters of Little Women for Wednesday?!

Sunday night TV had its ups and downs.

2010-01-04T13:09:00.000-05:00

Whaaat is this? An old episode of What Not to Wear where a final outfit wasn't up to par? ...I'm going to miss watching everyday...

So, speaking of television that makes me go "Whaaat?" ...Last night's shows.
Housewives was just ridiculous. I'm not sure what the writers were on when they came up with this second half of the season. First off - killing off Carl? REALLY? He was the last truly sexy man on the show (which I thought was originally half of what the creators originally wanted?), his storyline with Bree was actually interesting and developed, and then they go and kill him off? That set me up to be quite unhappy with the rest of the episode, and I wound up being totally justified in that. I didn't think that storyline could upset me more, until they retroactively tried to make Carl into a pig once again. Fail, writers, fail. Gabby's story/dream/acid trip (I mean, come ON) was just as bad. Just when I thought things couldn't get worse, it was Lynette's turn. She has quickly become one of my favorite housewives, only because the situations thrown at her have been the most real. I wish they hadn't killed one of the babies, though... I think it would have been much more interesting and given the writers more opportunity for development if they kept a child with developmental challenges in - Lord knows the writers need more help. I'm not happy with how the rest of the season looks to be playing out.
Brothers & Sisters on the other hand, was incredible as always. I have become so emotionally tied to the Walker family over the past few years. I'm talking dreams about characters and situations, not always on Sunday nights. Calista Flockhart has always been one of my favorite underrated actresses, and her cancer story has given her so much to play off of. Rob Lowe has also just flown to near the top of my list of favorite actors. He used to annoy me, back when the series started, but what he has done with his character lately has been nothing short of amazing. The rest of the cast was incredible last night, as always. Except for the LAME season finale last spring, this show can do no wrong by me.

And now, it's yet another lovely day of movies - until I drag myself to the gym at some point. Runaway Bride right now... I haven't watched this movie since the summers a friend and I used to rent this almost every sleepover - which was pretty close to weekly. I might keep up the trend of summers gone by and watch How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days after this :)

In which I ramble about media and cannot maintain a train of thought.

2010-01-03T20:34:00.003-05:00

So, I suppose I'm really jumping back into the regular, public blogging thing full-force. I hope my brain stays in this mentality; I have missed this release so much...

New episodes of my ABC Sunday night shows tonight. I will forever love Extreme Makeover Home Edition. I think you have to know me for all of 10 minutes to realize that I love that insane Ty Pennington. I have loved him since his Trading Spaces days, and I don't really care that he had a DUI a few years ago and that most of the world finds him terribly obnoxious. He may be loud and all, but that man has a heart, and that's what matters in the long run. This show just makes me feel good.
I'm already a bit anxious for Desperate Housewives and Brothers & Sisters. I'm not usually one to read spoilers (except for the Luke and Noah storyline on As the World Turns), so I have no idea what the outcomes are from the evil cliffhangers at the mid-season break. (Going off-train-of-thought here to say - Kermit the Frog is singing Just One Person, and Paul DiMeo is playing piano. LOVE IT!!!) I really haven't been as emotionally tied to Housewives lately, but the cliffhanger of Brothers & Sisters had me fighting urges to throw things at my television. I'll probably post again during or after the shows air.

I guess I can't avoid talking about the weather here... It has been snowing nonstop since yesterday around 11 - I left the gym to a winter wonderland, and it just will not let up. The forecast for the next week is snow, snow and a bit more snow... My 21st birthday was in the midst of an Official Snow Emergency for the city, and I'm afraid that's going to become an annual tradition.

There are SO many movies that I want to see right now. I knocked It's Complicated off of the list last weekend. It was hilarious, and definitely a notch above the other romantic comedies that I love. Meryl Streep has just been winning me over more and more with every role she's been in lately. That woman can do no wrong. Steve Martin was the epitome of adorable, and Alec Baldwin was heartbreaking, hilarious, and, dare I say, a little sexy. Who knew?! John Krasinski really stole the movie to me, though. He has always been my favorite part of The Office, not to mention, he is among the best "scenery" out there!
Of course, there was a very close encounter with one of my own personal complicated situations, but thanks to stalling and dark theatres, I managed to avoid any awkward conversation or battles. (Moderately unrelated; I hate that spelling "theatre" with the "re" is not AP-appropriate and thus, not in my Mac's dictionary. I have to break just ONE AP rule!!) This is a new year and decade, though. I am not hanging on to the past, even if I wasn't so much "hanging on" as I was just scared of encounters. I know that there are burned bridges in my life, but I am done with going out of my way to avoid awkward encounters.
Back to movie-talk, though...
I'm going to see Nine on Saturday for my birthday (!!), and I'm dying to see Sherlock Holmes, Avatar, and, dare I say it, New Moon. No, I have not seen it yet, and yes, I DO want to see it. I enjoyed the books enough, and honestly, it's fun to ogle Rob Pattinson and make fun of the awful acting from other *cough* Kristin Stewart *cough* actors. I'm sure there are other movies that are escaping my mind at the moment... I'll have to hit up the dollar theatre big time as soon as they move there!

Time for Housewives... I may post later, but if not, goodnight world!

An introduction.

2010-01-03T17:31:00.002-05:00

It's funny how often I think I'll start something new in writing... I love nothing more than buying a fresh new notebook, taking it home, picking up a pen and... nothing. I have a passworded blog that I love, and I update semi-regularly. And I have written a few poems that I am proud of... But that's it. And yet, on this wickedly snowy evening, I thought "I'll resurrect my Blogger site!" All the cool kids are doing it, right? Maybe it's partially due to the loveliness that was Julie & Julia, or the fact that I've watched You've Got Mail twice in the past two days (like I need something else to fuel my hopeless romantic ways). There's just something I love about being "That Person," sitting in a coffee shop or on my couch, typing away, hoping that someone out there decides to read it.

So, that being said... I suppose one of those lame introductions is necessary. I'm 21-going-on-22. I don't like defining myself by what I'm studying, but when I'm studying what I love most in life, it's a given. I am a Theology major and spend most of my time at my church. It's my home, more than any other building I've found. I love people, especially just observing people and making my own conclusions. I have a dog who hates people - it's really quite the troubling irony. As a friend pointed out, the list of things that I obsess over is, quite possibly the longest list in the world (and I told him he could add to that my obsession for making lists!). I like words, music, art, theatre, expression, feelings, and experience.

I'm not entirely sure what I want to come of this blog... I don't think it'd be fair for me to put some expectation on myself, anyway. Who knows; this may be the last entry I post here. I sure hope not.

Until more inspiration to write strikes.... Farewell!
Stay warm and drive safe, if you are in the Erie area... It's a mess out there!

-Meredith